Joe J-Joe J-Joe

 And now allow me to introduce to you the great Jolen Ryder Marcus - a.k.a. Joe!!!!!!

Movie and the Mall with My Friend Malcolm(not his real name)

I went to go see Contagion today with my friend. It's eerie, to see the collapse of civilization and to see humans go into chaos because of the paranoia. The disease was destructive. Fast and powerful. Once you got the symptoms, you died almost instantly. Within the first ten minutes of the movie, six people were dead. It was really sad to see the six year old boy die. It was really torturous to watch his mother die. My friend was being pretty obnoxious in the theater, vigorously rocking back and forth in his chair and then looking at me to see if I was distracted by it. I was, but I wouldn't let on. I didn't look at him unless he wanted to directly make a point of telling me something having to do with the film. He was also texting in the film; like I couldn't see the bright white light. Jeez.
    After the movie we went to eat at a restaurant called Johnny Rockets where I got a grilled cheese and he got a Philly Cheese Steak. He started spinning a quarter on the table and then putting his finger on it to try and have it stood up under his finger. Sometimes he got it. He let me have a quarter to spin and the first time I tried to get it stood up it actually worked. We were at the restaurant with his mom and little sister, and him and his mom were getting in some sort of playful bicker. I just kept my eyes down. Then he was sliding his chair back and forth on the tile because it slid really easily. I shared a glance with his mom, who completely understood the obnoxiousness of his actions. He was joking about sliding the chair out of the shop but then the feet of the chair got caught on a slightly upended piece of tile. He called it the Anti-Theft System, and when I managed to slide my chair around these tiles he was amazed at how I had gotten around the "system".
    We departed the restaurant and I wandered over to the piano that was playing itself. I hit a couple of keys and his little sister giggled about what I was doing. Then we wandered over to a coin donation bucket, the one where you put a coin in and it spins down into the hole. We put coins in and tried to catch them before they went down. We were cracking up so much my lungs started to hurt and it was difficult to breathe, and even with that obstacle I still laughed whenever he did. I stated "Every mistake we make, more money gets donated" and he was cracking up. His little sister faltered more in the coin-catching than we did, but I did a lot towards the end. We used up all of my change and then went to his mom for more change which we played around with and eventually donated(with him and I, it was an accident; with his sister, it was on purpose- she insisted we let coins just "go down"). It was for the Simon Youth Foundation. A sign had advertised it with the shocking statistics that "every 29 seconds, a student drops out of high school". When we went to his mom for change, his dad said "You guys donated like a million dollars" and we only laughed more.
   In his dad's truck on the way back him and his sister were fighting over some plastic snake and then he put lip gloss and what I thought to be make-up of some sort on the arm rest in the front seat. His dad said "she(me)'ll be offended that I'm putting on lip gloss; but she's a girl. She can never have too much lip gloss" and I was shaking my head "no" because I don't even wear chapstick if I don't have to, let alone lip gloss or any other type of make-up.
   He was singing along to some Usher song(his little sister was too, it was cute) and then "Wake Me Up When September Ends", which his dad joked was "such a sad song". I kind of thought it strange when he looked right at me(but those times were rare, since I was in the front passenger seat and he in the back left-hand seat and I tried not to look back unless I was really intrigued), but it happened a lot during the mall time and it didn't bother him, so I guess it doesn't bother me.

Why Is It That When Someone Smiles at Me I Don't Smile Back?!

Honestly, even if it's this guy who's way older than you who looks to have been staring at you for a while, all I do when I catch someone smiling at me, I just sort of walk by. Like adults, they smile at you all the time(well, some of them do). Kids just make weird faces at you. And babies don't know what to think. But when someone smiles at me I just get all freaked out. Sometimes I can manage more than a grimace back, but most of the time I just stare, deer-in-the-headlights like. Like this guy at Whole Foods, (Dan, we'll call him, though I know his name), he's really nice and he's so awesome I'm going to put him into one of my stories as the awesome uncle, but I turn around after we check out and he's smiling at me, and it's really kind of freaky. I was like "creeper" though I could have smiled back and made the entire situation end. But I didn't. God, I always realize these things too late.

Strange Walmart Experience - No Sunglasses

I know, I know. When I say "strange Walmart experience", you think I mean some person rammed through the wall in their Hummer or a bear was dressing itself in little girls' clothes, but it was semi-normal for those who have seen really weird things in Walmart.
   So I ran into my friend's mom and his little sister in Walmart, and our moms were all talking and his mom said "Oh, he's here a few rows up." About seven minutes later he finds us and throws up his hands, a exasperated look on his face, like "Starting the party without me? Really?" Usually he's wearing sunglasses when I see him(well, the past couple years at least) and he wasn't this time, and he almost looked like he had a completely different face. Like in a dream, how you know who a person is but they look nothing like that in real life. I was studying how his eyebrows were black with silvery edges in contrast to his blonde crew cut, and how I could actually see his blue eyes. He didn't really look at me for a while, probably just because it was awkward, what with being in Walmart and our moms talking about school and whatnot when all of a sudden he's looking right at me. I was looking back for only the first nanosecond before I composed myself and looked down the aisles and everywhere else, though in my peripheral vision I could feel his sky blue eyes searing through my head. It was really weird; my mom usually tells me if someone was "checking me out" and whatever, or I see it and try to avoid their eyes(especially if they're older than me by a lot, like at Whole Foods today), but this was really strange. I mean, I write about that kind of thing all the time, but it was really odd in real life, with someone I'd known for four years who had just been a friend, if even that. I had sort of been convinced that when we had seen each other at our siblings' school a few days prior he had been looking at me, too, but I couldn't be sure when the giant silver sunglasses covered almost his entire face. But today, he couldn't have done it without me noticing. I almost wanted to say "look, haha, I'm wearing my transition glasses and you've got nothin'", but I didn't because we didn't even speak a word to each other, except me chuckling at his already having an essay due a week into school, and his staring. Weirder thing is, it might have been a first time, so it was sort of awkward, but it was almost as if he saw me, and I didn't mind. I wonder now what he would've done had I looked back. I laughed at myself on the way home, reciting a line from Vampires Suck: "You're staring at each other in slow-motion". I didn't want to be a movie, but wow, that was crazy. My mom said he was just wondering at the red bug bite smack in the middle of my forehead, but I knew that if I had looked up, he would have been staring straight into my eyes.

When You Find Someone That Understands

Today, I was talking to one of my friends(no, actually, not one I've mentioned; she stays pretty quiet and I never considered her in my previous accusation blogs 'cause she doesn't hang out with me much, you know, she's one of those that everybody knows and talks to), and I found out how like me she is. I thought she was some goody-goody that everybody loved and loved everybody and didn't really care about me, you know, but I found out that she isn't. She completely understands the whole talking to yourself and how "you're your own best friend"(no, seriously, she stole my catch phrase!) and being alone and hating people. How do people even hide these things? Not like I'd know; you know, I keep to myself and prefer to be left to my own devices, that type, the one that doesn't care what the general populous is doing or how they're doing it, just stays away and does their own thing. And she, she's like that, too! My God, I almost cried when I read the part about "and you're your own best friend" 'cause I swear I thought no one understood. But she does. And boy do I love her now...

I Guess You Should Know Now How I Love Talking About "Friends"

Well, that should be made obvious by the number of posts that include me yammerin' on about my so-called "friends", but whatever, and deal with it. This is my blog, not yours. 

Anyway, so, we've already established that friends are pretty darn worthless, am I right? Maybe I didn't, but anyway, besides the point, let's just say we have if we haven't, and that we have if we have, right? Lying is okay, especially on the internet. It saves you from a lot. But anyway, back to the spiel about friends. Ahem. SO, I find them to be pretty darn worthless, since they're your friend for only about five minutes until they realize they don't want the association and run off to another friend. Or, they run past with their other friend, shout out something they find to be hilarious, laugh, and run off to tell someone else. I mean, I don't want to seem all weepy weepy, but I've been used by two out of three friends. Or, two point five out of every three friends. But anyway, more friends have been using me than actually being friends with me. I mean, they don't care about your feelings period. My friend that runs off laughing with her other friend, Anna, I think I called her before, or something, she doesn't care at all. She just uses me for a laugh. Or to test her new jokes. She doesn't actually care if you're pissed, and if you were pissed at her, she would just be like "um... well then" and then make a joke out of it to tell her OTHER friends. And, weird thing is, I had a dream where she looked into my eyes, and I saw her concern towards me and my situation. I was thinking, not true, never gonna happen, because she doesn't give a COW'S BEHIND for feelings other than her own.  Once again, I'm just experimentation, and Anna's not sure she likes what she's found.
Next one, Jane. Well, you've already heard about her and Jill, right? So I don't have to repeat it over again? Well, good, 'cause I don't want to. Cliffnotes are basically that she's always seen with Jill when not with me, and it hurts. The end. Oh, poor me, but don't feel bad. Actually, I'd like it if you scorned me because your life was the same and you didn't complain. So please scorn.
Next one, is new, we'll call her Denna. (And, don't ask where I got the name. It just came up, like a week ago.) She doesn't really ditch me, since we're both similar and have the same problems, and I find her to be one of the more loyal ones, actually. Sometimes I spill my heart out to her and she listens quietly, and then we'll talk about taking over the world and making the remaining humans our slaves like we always do. (Note to viewers: None of the stuff we talk about will actually happen, but kids are allowed to fantasize.) I never see her run off to another friend; in fact, I've kind of been wondering if she actually HAS any other friends to run off to. Every time she's not with me and I happen to see her, she's by herself. It kind of makes me feel bad, but not really, because I would love it if I had the freedom to be by myself when I wanted, but no, the other "friends" of mine decide to hang out with me just at those times, those times when I want to be alone. And I HATE THEM FOR IT. God, I hate them all. Even Denna, who's innocent(or mostly.) Especially Rosa from the previous previous previous post where I blabbed about friends. GOD I HATE THEM ALL.
But, I want the few who may or may not read my blog to understand that I'm not lonely being alone. "Alone but not lonely; lonely but not alone." Some quote by someone I don't know and can't remember. I find it true to myself. And, I don't have to have friends to be happy. You know how I feel about them anyway. I have been enlightened, if you will, and now I am my best friend, and I'm totally happy with that. My logic for having myself be the one I count on is that, well, no one besides yourself actually cares about you, right? You care about yourself more than anyone ever will(unless you're Rosa... -spits-). If you are like me, you have found out how no matter who the person is, you can't count on them. If you do, you will be disappointed. More, but that's the easy way to put it. You are the only one for yourself, and we need to treat ourselves with more respect than we do. And, when you die, well, you'll die, but then you won't need yourself anymore. So, see how it works out? It works out perfectly, I think.

FALSE ALARM

Okay, I don't know where he was, but I found him and I'm so relieved. Now annoyed, because it's back to the same old shenanigans, but still.

...

Well, I think the title of this post is enough to tell you that this time, I'm having a serious issue.
Not like, "Oh, poor me, I have no friends", but like, "Oh crap, what the ---- just happened".
I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Well, big secret, more like it. I haven't told anyone yet. -sigh- It's terrifying, but maybe you guys can help.
I lost one of my toads. No, really, I can't find him. I was videotaping the tank this morning, the little coconut where they usually hide until it's dark enough for them, but they weren't coming out. I figured, oh, they're probably asleep or something. But then I lifted it up and I only saw one toad. I put it back down and told myself, "Okay, Pinto's probably somewhere in the tank..." So I looked under the heater, but, no Pinto. That's when I started panicking. He wasn't anywhere in the tank, and he wasn't climbing up the side like he did a few times.
So I looked outside the tank. And, in this flower pot, I saw something that looked to be him, but I was afraid to look at it closely. No, it wasn't him, but it took me a while to figure that out.
And now, I don't know what I'm going to say when we clean out the tank and my dad asks, "Well, where's the other one?" Because I won't know. Unless he happens to be buried under the moss, I don't know where he is or could be. My other toad, Garbanzo, kept poking a little bit of his head out of the coconut, and I started telling him "Sorry buddy, I don't know where he is" and "If I could speak your language, I'd ask you where he went" but he just disappeared back into the house and then poked out again and then disappeared. I always thought he hated Pinto, but maybe he's just as afraid for the little amphibian's sake as I am.

NoFace

NoFace
by #9dreamer

Prologue

The wind whistled through the canopy of gray leaves hanging over his head. He looked up. The SkyPatrol was watching. He couldn't do anything stupid while he was on watch. He wouldn't have anyway, not that being in prison was a bad idea. Being a NoFace, he had absolutely nothing to live for. Nothing to die for, either.

He heard racing footsteps through the brush and he tensed, his muscles freezing in position. The sound passed on his right and he bolted into the darkness, his hand slipping to his SoulSucker. It wasn't the best weapon to use for this sort of “operation”, as it put the RunAways out of their dying misery faster, but it would have to do, as the HeadChief and ChiefAssistant hadn't assigned him any other weapons. It bothered him that they didn't trust him with more than a child's toy.

“Better speed it up Jerkiss,” he heard one of the HumanNoFaces say, and he sensed faltering footsteps to his left. He shot his arm out and came in contact with someone's head, the SoulSucker zapping the kid and lighting his face up in the BrightWhite of quick SoulRemoval and his body fell to the ground, lying motionless in the damp, gray soil.

He knelt down, risking the entire mission as he peered at the boy's face. He turned it over with his ProdStick. It wasn't Jerkiss. He shook his head angrily and rose to find the HumanNoFaces had stayed behind, uncertain of what the deputy might do.

He opened his mouth to ask if Jerkiss was there, but reflexively shut it and took them by surprise instead, bolting into the thick, sightless darkness and grabbing one of the younger RunAways by his hair. He screamed and the deputy smacked a hand over his mouth, but the kid bit right into the soft, pale flesh and he let go, the RunAway kid stumbling into the darkness after his gang members.

One lingered behind. He took his chances and sped towards it, reaching out to grab it and instead stumbling over the WatchCam at the edge of the path and falling into the darkness.

He awoke and found himself tangled within the long, twirly arms of a GrabWeed. He snapped the branches and stood, surveying his surroundings. The HumanNoFaces had definitely done a lot of damage, as far as he could see. The HeadChief and ChiefAssistant wouldn't be happy with him.

He groaned as he felt the ProdStick stabbing into his back, and he pulled it out, the tip already covered in the sticky, purple blood of the NoFaces. He pulled back his protective vest to examine the wound. It was just a little hole with smeary, gooey purple blood pulled across it, like a cobweb. Nothing a MedAssistant couldn't fix up. He started to make his way back to the LodgingCamp when something caught his eye. A GrabGun from the RunAways was lying in the gray soil.

He picked it up and smiled as he hooked it to his WeaponsBelt. This would get the job done.

Chapter 1

Wakshavon descended the stairs into his office. Well, office is too... extravagant a word for where he worked. Actually, the deputy worked in a dungeon. It wasn't a dungeon anymore, but the HeadChief and ChiefAssistant didn't bother to clean it out before they assigned Wakshavon to work there. Mainly they used this room for food and weapons storage, but there were also some dead bodies lying around. Occasionally, while Wakshavon was on CamDuty he'd spot one behind some boxes of GrainMeal. And it wasn't pleasant.

Since Wakshavon had already been on BorderPatrol the previous night, he was assigned to CamDuty in his “office”. He tripped over boxes and stepped on mushy bags of SoftMeal, which was a kind of mush NoFaceNoFaces were permitted to eat, as he tried to make his way to the computer screen.

He stumbled into his chair and clicked “ON” on the monitor. As the blurry, skewed image came into view, Wakshavon smacked his palm his head in disbelief. How could he have forgotten to readjust the WatchCam before coming back? He had tripped on it in the darkness the previous night while trying to pursue the RunAways who were constantly hovering around the NoFaces. For once in his messed up life, Wakshavon hated being a NoFace.

His hand extended towards the AlertTalkie on his desk, but he froze. Did he really want to put the HeadChief in a worse mood than he was probably already in? He put his hand back and typed in the coordinates to, hopefully, readjust how the picture came up on his screen, if not at all changing the WatchCam itself.

He sat back in his chair, his gray, pool-like eyes gazing drearily at the screen. He hadn't slept in about three days, thanks to ChiefAssistant Herry, who Wakshavon was sure was out to get him. Herry had put Wakshavon on all of the NightShifts, and had given him CamDuty during the day. He hadn't eaten, he hadn't slept, and he was also pretty sure he hadn't had a bathroom break in the last seventy two hours.

Miserable, miserable life.

He shifted his weight and sat at Attention as he heard clomping footsteps coming down the cement staircase. He wanted to turn and see who it was, since Herry didn't bother to leave his cozy little WorkDen to visit the NoFace deputies and he couldn't believe that he would do so for him, but he kept his eyes glued to the screen, though there was nothing to see.

“Wakshavon!”

“Attention!”

The footsteps crossed the floor swiftly towards him. Whoever it was – how did they do that? Wakshavon could barely take two steps without tripping over some packaged item of unidentifiable origin.

“Wakshavon, Assistant Herry is putting you on PersonalBreakTime for the hour. Let me take over.”

Wakshavon looked up into the pale, NoFace eyes of a young officer, probably only a day older than Wakshavon.

“Thanks, Kerniel.” Wakshavon got up, did the ceremonial bow(though why they still had to do it, even for the most informal of things, confused him), and stepped past, trying hard not to let the bags and boxes on the floor jump out and trip him.

“Welcome, Wakshavon.” Kerniel saluted to the young deputy and turned towards the screen. He suddenly looked confused. “Stop there, Wakshavon.”

Wakshavon halted in his careful tiptoeing over the SoftMeal bags and his foot fell right into the mushy stuff, sticking to his foot, but he couldn't try to shake it off now, not while he was under command of an officer, regardless of the age. “Yes, sir!” he said, perhaps a bit louder than necessary.

Kerniel pointed to the corner of the screen, where it had the coordinates for turning the ProjectionScreen back to the original angle of the WatchCam. “What is this?”

“I, um, the WatchCam.”

“Yes?”

“I tripped over it last night. Sorry. I'll go fix that,” Wakshavon stammered, ducking his head so he didn't have to meet the officer's pale blue eyes with his own watery gray ones.

“Better go fix it before Assistant Herry changes the schedule to NoBreakTime,” Kerniel warned, giving him a crooked grin. Wakshavon faltered. NoFaces, regardless of their ranking, were not supposed to show emotion other than loyal obedience.

They weren't even supposed to have emotion.

Wakshavon didn't know how to reply to such a startling thing, so he just nodded briefly before peeling the bag from his foot and tiptoeing carefully off towards the staircase.

“Oh, and Wakshavon?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Don't run into the HumanNoFaces.”

“I won't, sir.”

Kerniel held his gaze for another moment before turning back to the screen and lazing back in the chair. Wakshavon let out an inaudible sigh and crept across the rest of the cold, cement floor towards the door, where he darted up the stairs and let himself out into the much missed, though dreary and gray like the rest of the world, daylight.

After fixing up the WatchCam and trying to leave under general Luniss' watchful, and quite suspicious, eye, Wakshavon had run in the direction of the opposite border, towards the EquipmentDropOff, which was basically a big junkyard full of the used, broken and rotted possessions of the higher ranking NoFaces.

Wakshavon stopped to take in the view. The piles of electrical and food remains were piled higher than the roof of the WorkHouse,which was pretty high.

As he gazed out at the once-beautiful view, a distant and untraceable MemoryProjection came to him. He saw a boy, young, probably only fifteen, laughing and dancing around in circles with a little blonde-haired girl, who was probably only eight or so. As Wakshavon noticed the usage of illegal emotions, he winced. But then he remembered this was just a MemoryProjection, though he had absolutely no remembrance of anything like this. In fact, the farthest memory he could recall was of being ripped of his soul, the MedAssistants tying him down on the OperationBed and zapping him full of tranquilizers and using a long, rusty SoulScythe to rip down his middle, and then using a ProdStick to dig through his vital organs to find where his soul was hidden...

Wakshavon stopped thinking about it. It hurt too much to try to remember anything older than that, if he even had a life before the Removal. All of the RemovalVictims had been told that they had had a life, but they shouldn't think of it, and then a dark cloud of something musty and sharp to the nose descended upon all the traumatized teenagers, wiping them of any memory before the Removal.

Whatever a teenager was.

He was told he had been a NoFace for about six months now, and though most people working at the WorkHouse had been there for at least six years, Wakshavon felt some strange feeling of something he couldn't place about having survived this long.

He kept walking down the BackWays through the junk and came to a withered, gray fence that had a sign saying:

DO NOT ENTER

THOSE WHO ENTER WILL BE PROSECUTED

And then in smaller print:

AS ISSUED BY THE HEADCHIEF OF STAFF AT WORKHOUSE 404 ON THE FOURTEENTH OF OCTOBER TWO THOUSAND AND NINE

Wakshavon was baffled by all of the information printed on the sign. But most importantly: What does “prosecuted” mean? They never bothered to teach the NoFace students anything beyond the necessary. That's why Wakshavon had always snuck off to the InformationDeck, when he had had PersonalBreakTime at regular intervals, that is.

And when the HeadChief had found out from ChiefAssistant Herry, he had started putting patrols up at the InformationDeck, too. The HeadChief lived by his motto, which was: Do your work, and do it good. Which basically meant that unnecessary information was not allowed to be learned by any of the NoFace students. And because of this, Wakshavon had no idea what “prosecuted” meant. And unless he could get his hands on a WordBook, he would never know.

Unless he just entered and found out the easy way. But whatever it was, it sounded dangerous. He grumbled something under his breath and turned away, making his way down the BackWays towards the WorkHouse. He still had about sixteen minutes left on his PersonalBreakTime, and he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

He flashed his SecurityID at the GateGuard, who turned Wakshavon over to Luniss, who led him down to the farthest possible bathroom, and, to make matters worse, stood outside the door.

“Make it quick!” snapped Luniss, and Wakshavon, who knew that this was the bathroom for the RunAway PrisonDwellers, had no idea why he had to hurry up, but he made it snappy and was up to his office in a flash.

“How was it?” Kerniel asked lazily, his eyes droopy and on the screen before him. Wakshavon stood at Attention.

“Good, sir.”

“You can take it over,” Kerniel mumbled drowsily, handing him the AlertTalkie from the desk and stumbling past him. “I've got to get to the SleepingBunks.”

Wakshavon knew he wasn't supposed to have or show emotions, but he felt the faintest flicker of something violent pass through him. How come Kerniel got to sleep and eat and use the facilities whenever he wanted?

Kerniel let the door fall shut behind him and Wakshavon was glad that he wasn't there to ask him irrelevant questions. He turned to the computer screen and typed in the coordinates to bring up the WatchCam in the HeadChief's room. NoFace students and workers were not supposed to spy on the HeadChief or Assistant, or even supposed to know how, but as long as Kerniel wasn't there he figured, hey, why the heck not.

The ProjectionScreen showing the HeadChief's room popped up in a mini screen at the bottom and would not enlarge to full size unless you had the SecurityPasscode. Wakshavon rolled his eyes, but figured it would be better to keep it small in case someone walked in unexpectedly and took a look at his screen.

But something else, something on the BorderProjectionScreen caught Wakshavon's eye. He closed the HeadChief's Screen and squinted hard at the BorderScreen. He could have sworn he had seen something move.

And there it was. A HumanNoFace writhing on the ground in the distance.

Espanole Dos

Hola(para el tiempo segundo)! Como estas? Estoy bien, gracias. Como te gustando el escribiendo a mi? No te gusta? Esta bien. Me gusta. Yo estoy escuchando al musica de Sheryl Crow. Ella es una cantante muy bien. John Lennon es un cantante bien, tambien, pero no le estoy escuchando ahora. Le amo. El es muy guapo. Lo siento murio, pero fue su tiempo. Pienso es mi tiempo a veces. Pero mi corazon es fuerto. Lo necesito que creer. Me tiene mantenio viviendo para un tiempo largo.

Espanole

Hola personas! Soy un mobo enojado(no es mi nombre). Yo estoy... viviendo. Esta es todo hay que decir.
Adios!

Yo voy a empezar escribiendo en espanol. Si no puedes comprender espanol, lo siento, pero quiero practicar mi espanol.

Rambling About Friends

I really don't care whether or not you read this, so bleep off if you have opinions different than mine, and trust me, you do, so don't even get me started.
       Let's start with friends, shall we? Such a touchy subject for some people. Some people being me in specifics.The reason that it can be a touchy subject is because, well, the "friends" you've had aren't really "yours" to begin with and they sort of know it because you act weird when they're with other friends(which I was never able to accept before, but I'm trying now, because I would be a hypocrite to hate people who have other friends because I have other friends, too, you know, so)  and then try to "include" you, though it really doesn't make things any better. Okay, so I have this one friend(for the sake of privacy on the internet we'll call her Jane), and Jane is always hanging out with her friend Jill when she's not with me. It always puts me in an awkward position when I see Jane walking with Jill, since Jill's locker is three from mine, so Jane's pretty much always there. Jane and Jill made a lunch group, but it got to have too many people, so they split it up, breaking the original people away and leaving them to have regular lunch with the regular people. I was kind of mad, but Jane was more so than I(though she rarely gets mad). Then the lovely ol' counselor decided to reschedule our lunch group, and of course, Jane invited me in again, and now I'm in a lunch group with Jane, Jill, and another girl(we'll call her Lucy). I don't really mind having Lucy there, but Jill... It just kind of makes me feel out of place, and that she invited me into the lunch group on a guilt trip because she felt bad for not including me. I mean, fine. If Jane wants to include me, fine. But I don't exactly want to be included when it comes to Jill, because... I know that Jill has known Jane for longer than I have(a year longer, in fact), so I have no right to be getting all witchy on them, but Jill kind of weirds me out. Sure, she's nice enough, but it's like when she's there Jane's suddenly about her. Which could be the same issue with me when I'm with my other friend(once again for the sake of privacy, we'll give her a different name) Anna. Because when I'm with Jane and then Anna comes along, Anna and I start laughing about something that Jane doesn't know about, and it makes me feel bad, and I sort of try to include Jane, too, but... Anyway.
       Let's talk about wanna-be friends now. There's this girl(we'll call her Rosa), and Rosa thinks she's my "best friend". Well, that is until her real best friend, Mary, comes along, and then suddenly I don't exist. If Mary's there, I'm not, and if Mary's not, Rosa jumps all over me and showers me with all this stuff I really didn't care or need to know about. Like, she'd been giving me the "silent treatment" for a while after I stood up for Mary, who was getting bullied by Rosa and Co. You see, Rosa's one of those people who just has to have someone with her, all the time, regardless of whether or not they're friends with her. I mean, she considers them to be friends, for sure, but they probably don't. She controls and manipulates them, and, well, I used to be one of her little minions. But trust me, I backed out of that one pretty quick after I realized what was happening. And I didn't for a while. And perhaps that's the reason she treats me like dirt and then acts all innocently nice and pleasant when she thinks I'm not too angry with her. But trust me, I'm mad. So anyway, after I stood up for Mary, Rosa sort of stopped talking to me. Not like I cared, but still. I would have liked to turn things around and have HER in MY power, but it doesn't work like that. Not in this world. So she stopped talking to me, and then on Tuesday, she just comes up to me and asks all innocent-like "Are you going biking?" She sounded excited, like, "Oh we're friends again" but no, we're not. I told her, "yeah, but on the third day" and she was like "ohh" and I would have said "I'm glad I'm not going with YOU" but I didn't. I could have, because the counselor actually allowed me to say mean things to her. It's like "Whoa, there, I thought you guys were paid to respect children's feelings, not destroy them" but, oh well.

Yaddayadda

Hey everybody how's a goin'. Well, not really talking to you. I found this blog today a few minutes ago, and now I can talk to myself - through the good ol' internet. Except, people can see it. That's what sucks about it. I'm a person that likes to keep things to myself a lot, ya know, but this is like huge for me, blogging and crap. Haha, I almost wrote "blooging." That would've been funny. I watched a geo bee today. My friend didn't make it just because she got one wrong. I know, sad. But that's life. Life is sad. Life sucks and then you die, that's a good one. I truly believe in that. I mean, friends suck, too, don't they? They're never there when you need them to be, are always there when you absolutely want them to DIE, and don't understand you at ALL! That's why I hate them. They don't seem to understand that I want to tell them things, ya know, but instead I have to break myself away from them and talk to myself. In public. That's kind of what I'm doing now... Anyway, I mean, they are so STUPID!!! They treat you like dogs and step all over you and expect you to still be their "bestie" or whatever. I mean, that's just a load of bullcrap in my opinion. I've been manipulated so many times that I should know by now. Anyway, speaking of friends, I need to study for a P.E. test on tennis. Okay bye talk to you later. Or whenever. This weekend, yeah, that sounds good. Bye. :P

Flying Away

Here's a song I wrote, called "Flying Away".

Flying Away

I'm looking for the sun,

but it's gone away today.

I'm looking for someone,

but he's got a girl to play.

I'm feeling so alone,

so that's why I'm flying away.
Building my own spaceship

so I don't have to

pay.

I'm flying away, away from here,

someplace where I can think

and speak my mind, only to myself

because I'm the only one who listens.

I never knew how hard it would be

to be a simple human.

Nobody told us

how hard life would be

in the end

I'm looking for my home,

but I think lost the way.

I'm looking for a church

'cause I've got a need to pray.

I'm absolutely alone,

but that's why I'm flying away.

Getting into my space shuttle

and drifting

away.

I'm flying away, away from here,

someplace where I can think

and speak my mind, only to myself

because I'm the only one who listens.

I never knew how hard it would be

to be a simple human.

Nobody told us how hard life would be

in the end.

I'm looking for the spring,

but I think it comes in May.

I'm looking for all hope,

but it's absolutely frayed.

I'm feeling so enclosed,

and that's why I'm flying away.

Steering my vehicle

through the misty

rain.

I'm flying away, away from here,

someplace where I can think

and speak my mind, only to myself

because I'm the only one who listens.

I never knew how hard it would be

to be a simple human.

Nobody told us how hard life would be

in the end, in the end...

In the end... The end is near...