Movie and the Mall with My Friend Malcolm(not his real name)

I went to go see Contagion today with my friend. It's eerie, to see the collapse of civilization and to see humans go into chaos because of the paranoia. The disease was destructive. Fast and powerful. Once you got the symptoms, you died almost instantly. Within the first ten minutes of the movie, six people were dead. It was really sad to see the six year old boy die. It was really torturous to watch his mother die. My friend was being pretty obnoxious in the theater, vigorously rocking back and forth in his chair and then looking at me to see if I was distracted by it. I was, but I wouldn't let on. I didn't look at him unless he wanted to directly make a point of telling me something having to do with the film. He was also texting in the film; like I couldn't see the bright white light. Jeez.
    After the movie we went to eat at a restaurant called Johnny Rockets where I got a grilled cheese and he got a Philly Cheese Steak. He started spinning a quarter on the table and then putting his finger on it to try and have it stood up under his finger. Sometimes he got it. He let me have a quarter to spin and the first time I tried to get it stood up it actually worked. We were at the restaurant with his mom and little sister, and him and his mom were getting in some sort of playful bicker. I just kept my eyes down. Then he was sliding his chair back and forth on the tile because it slid really easily. I shared a glance with his mom, who completely understood the obnoxiousness of his actions. He was joking about sliding the chair out of the shop but then the feet of the chair got caught on a slightly upended piece of tile. He called it the Anti-Theft System, and when I managed to slide my chair around these tiles he was amazed at how I had gotten around the "system".
    We departed the restaurant and I wandered over to the piano that was playing itself. I hit a couple of keys and his little sister giggled about what I was doing. Then we wandered over to a coin donation bucket, the one where you put a coin in and it spins down into the hole. We put coins in and tried to catch them before they went down. We were cracking up so much my lungs started to hurt and it was difficult to breathe, and even with that obstacle I still laughed whenever he did. I stated "Every mistake we make, more money gets donated" and he was cracking up. His little sister faltered more in the coin-catching than we did, but I did a lot towards the end. We used up all of my change and then went to his mom for more change which we played around with and eventually donated(with him and I, it was an accident; with his sister, it was on purpose- she insisted we let coins just "go down"). It was for the Simon Youth Foundation. A sign had advertised it with the shocking statistics that "every 29 seconds, a student drops out of high school". When we went to his mom for change, his dad said "You guys donated like a million dollars" and we only laughed more.
   In his dad's truck on the way back him and his sister were fighting over some plastic snake and then he put lip gloss and what I thought to be make-up of some sort on the arm rest in the front seat. His dad said "she(me)'ll be offended that I'm putting on lip gloss; but she's a girl. She can never have too much lip gloss" and I was shaking my head "no" because I don't even wear chapstick if I don't have to, let alone lip gloss or any other type of make-up.
   He was singing along to some Usher song(his little sister was too, it was cute) and then "Wake Me Up When September Ends", which his dad joked was "such a sad song". I kind of thought it strange when he looked right at me(but those times were rare, since I was in the front passenger seat and he in the back left-hand seat and I tried not to look back unless I was really intrigued), but it happened a lot during the mall time and it didn't bother him, so I guess it doesn't bother me.

Why Is It That When Someone Smiles at Me I Don't Smile Back?!

Honestly, even if it's this guy who's way older than you who looks to have been staring at you for a while, all I do when I catch someone smiling at me, I just sort of walk by. Like adults, they smile at you all the time(well, some of them do). Kids just make weird faces at you. And babies don't know what to think. But when someone smiles at me I just get all freaked out. Sometimes I can manage more than a grimace back, but most of the time I just stare, deer-in-the-headlights like. Like this guy at Whole Foods, (Dan, we'll call him, though I know his name), he's really nice and he's so awesome I'm going to put him into one of my stories as the awesome uncle, but I turn around after we check out and he's smiling at me, and it's really kind of freaky. I was like "creeper" though I could have smiled back and made the entire situation end. But I didn't. God, I always realize these things too late.

Strange Walmart Experience - No Sunglasses

I know, I know. When I say "strange Walmart experience", you think I mean some person rammed through the wall in their Hummer or a bear was dressing itself in little girls' clothes, but it was semi-normal for those who have seen really weird things in Walmart.
   So I ran into my friend's mom and his little sister in Walmart, and our moms were all talking and his mom said "Oh, he's here a few rows up." About seven minutes later he finds us and throws up his hands, a exasperated look on his face, like "Starting the party without me? Really?" Usually he's wearing sunglasses when I see him(well, the past couple years at least) and he wasn't this time, and he almost looked like he had a completely different face. Like in a dream, how you know who a person is but they look nothing like that in real life. I was studying how his eyebrows were black with silvery edges in contrast to his blonde crew cut, and how I could actually see his blue eyes. He didn't really look at me for a while, probably just because it was awkward, what with being in Walmart and our moms talking about school and whatnot when all of a sudden he's looking right at me. I was looking back for only the first nanosecond before I composed myself and looked down the aisles and everywhere else, though in my peripheral vision I could feel his sky blue eyes searing through my head. It was really weird; my mom usually tells me if someone was "checking me out" and whatever, or I see it and try to avoid their eyes(especially if they're older than me by a lot, like at Whole Foods today), but this was really strange. I mean, I write about that kind of thing all the time, but it was really odd in real life, with someone I'd known for four years who had just been a friend, if even that. I had sort of been convinced that when we had seen each other at our siblings' school a few days prior he had been looking at me, too, but I couldn't be sure when the giant silver sunglasses covered almost his entire face. But today, he couldn't have done it without me noticing. I almost wanted to say "look, haha, I'm wearing my transition glasses and you've got nothin'", but I didn't because we didn't even speak a word to each other, except me chuckling at his already having an essay due a week into school, and his staring. Weirder thing is, it might have been a first time, so it was sort of awkward, but it was almost as if he saw me, and I didn't mind. I wonder now what he would've done had I looked back. I laughed at myself on the way home, reciting a line from Vampires Suck: "You're staring at each other in slow-motion". I didn't want to be a movie, but wow, that was crazy. My mom said he was just wondering at the red bug bite smack in the middle of my forehead, but I knew that if I had looked up, he would have been staring straight into my eyes.

When You Find Someone That Understands

Today, I was talking to one of my friends(no, actually, not one I've mentioned; she stays pretty quiet and I never considered her in my previous accusation blogs 'cause she doesn't hang out with me much, you know, she's one of those that everybody knows and talks to), and I found out how like me she is. I thought she was some goody-goody that everybody loved and loved everybody and didn't really care about me, you know, but I found out that she isn't. She completely understands the whole talking to yourself and how "you're your own best friend"(no, seriously, she stole my catch phrase!) and being alone and hating people. How do people even hide these things? Not like I'd know; you know, I keep to myself and prefer to be left to my own devices, that type, the one that doesn't care what the general populous is doing or how they're doing it, just stays away and does their own thing. And she, she's like that, too! My God, I almost cried when I read the part about "and you're your own best friend" 'cause I swear I thought no one understood. But she does. And boy do I love her now...

I Guess You Should Know Now How I Love Talking About "Friends"

Well, that should be made obvious by the number of posts that include me yammerin' on about my so-called "friends", but whatever, and deal with it. This is my blog, not yours. 

Anyway, so, we've already established that friends are pretty darn worthless, am I right? Maybe I didn't, but anyway, besides the point, let's just say we have if we haven't, and that we have if we have, right? Lying is okay, especially on the internet. It saves you from a lot. But anyway, back to the spiel about friends. Ahem. SO, I find them to be pretty darn worthless, since they're your friend for only about five minutes until they realize they don't want the association and run off to another friend. Or, they run past with their other friend, shout out something they find to be hilarious, laugh, and run off to tell someone else. I mean, I don't want to seem all weepy weepy, but I've been used by two out of three friends. Or, two point five out of every three friends. But anyway, more friends have been using me than actually being friends with me. I mean, they don't care about your feelings period. My friend that runs off laughing with her other friend, Anna, I think I called her before, or something, she doesn't care at all. She just uses me for a laugh. Or to test her new jokes. She doesn't actually care if you're pissed, and if you were pissed at her, she would just be like "um... well then" and then make a joke out of it to tell her OTHER friends. And, weird thing is, I had a dream where she looked into my eyes, and I saw her concern towards me and my situation. I was thinking, not true, never gonna happen, because she doesn't give a COW'S BEHIND for feelings other than her own.  Once again, I'm just experimentation, and Anna's not sure she likes what she's found.
Next one, Jane. Well, you've already heard about her and Jill, right? So I don't have to repeat it over again? Well, good, 'cause I don't want to. Cliffnotes are basically that she's always seen with Jill when not with me, and it hurts. The end. Oh, poor me, but don't feel bad. Actually, I'd like it if you scorned me because your life was the same and you didn't complain. So please scorn.
Next one, is new, we'll call her Denna. (And, don't ask where I got the name. It just came up, like a week ago.) She doesn't really ditch me, since we're both similar and have the same problems, and I find her to be one of the more loyal ones, actually. Sometimes I spill my heart out to her and she listens quietly, and then we'll talk about taking over the world and making the remaining humans our slaves like we always do. (Note to viewers: None of the stuff we talk about will actually happen, but kids are allowed to fantasize.) I never see her run off to another friend; in fact, I've kind of been wondering if she actually HAS any other friends to run off to. Every time she's not with me and I happen to see her, she's by herself. It kind of makes me feel bad, but not really, because I would love it if I had the freedom to be by myself when I wanted, but no, the other "friends" of mine decide to hang out with me just at those times, those times when I want to be alone. And I HATE THEM FOR IT. God, I hate them all. Even Denna, who's innocent(or mostly.) Especially Rosa from the previous previous previous post where I blabbed about friends. GOD I HATE THEM ALL.
But, I want the few who may or may not read my blog to understand that I'm not lonely being alone. "Alone but not lonely; lonely but not alone." Some quote by someone I don't know and can't remember. I find it true to myself. And, I don't have to have friends to be happy. You know how I feel about them anyway. I have been enlightened, if you will, and now I am my best friend, and I'm totally happy with that. My logic for having myself be the one I count on is that, well, no one besides yourself actually cares about you, right? You care about yourself more than anyone ever will(unless you're Rosa... -spits-). If you are like me, you have found out how no matter who the person is, you can't count on them. If you do, you will be disappointed. More, but that's the easy way to put it. You are the only one for yourself, and we need to treat ourselves with more respect than we do. And, when you die, well, you'll die, but then you won't need yourself anymore. So, see how it works out? It works out perfectly, I think.

FALSE ALARM

Okay, I don't know where he was, but I found him and I'm so relieved. Now annoyed, because it's back to the same old shenanigans, but still.

...

Well, I think the title of this post is enough to tell you that this time, I'm having a serious issue.
Not like, "Oh, poor me, I have no friends", but like, "Oh crap, what the ---- just happened".
I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Well, big secret, more like it. I haven't told anyone yet. -sigh- It's terrifying, but maybe you guys can help.
I lost one of my toads. No, really, I can't find him. I was videotaping the tank this morning, the little coconut where they usually hide until it's dark enough for them, but they weren't coming out. I figured, oh, they're probably asleep or something. But then I lifted it up and I only saw one toad. I put it back down and told myself, "Okay, Pinto's probably somewhere in the tank..." So I looked under the heater, but, no Pinto. That's when I started panicking. He wasn't anywhere in the tank, and he wasn't climbing up the side like he did a few times.
So I looked outside the tank. And, in this flower pot, I saw something that looked to be him, but I was afraid to look at it closely. No, it wasn't him, but it took me a while to figure that out.
And now, I don't know what I'm going to say when we clean out the tank and my dad asks, "Well, where's the other one?" Because I won't know. Unless he happens to be buried under the moss, I don't know where he is or could be. My other toad, Garbanzo, kept poking a little bit of his head out of the coconut, and I started telling him "Sorry buddy, I don't know where he is" and "If I could speak your language, I'd ask you where he went" but he just disappeared back into the house and then poked out again and then disappeared. I always thought he hated Pinto, but maybe he's just as afraid for the little amphibian's sake as I am.