Today I heard two boys in my grade died in a plane crash. I wasn't particularly close to them, in fact I had disliked one of them, but hearing that they died changed everything. I thought of the fact that they would never walk the halls of our school again, and I'd never see them amidst the popular group or being obnoxious in any of my classes. When I sat on the thought that the light had just been taken from their lives, I felt a strange, hollowing feeling and my sweat turned cold. Was it painful for them? Was there heat and speed and fire? What were their last thoughts? Their last words? The father of the boy I didn't like had been flying the plane, and had died, too. Only his mom and little sister remain. I can't imagine and would hate to feel what she must be feeling. No words are able to describe.
My entire perspective on life has changed. A little while after hearing the news, I decided that it is pointless to dislike certain people. The boy I dislike most now, who also happens to be the most popular in the grade? I wouldn't rejoice at his death. I think of it now, and I would not rejoice over anyone's death. I may have threatened it countless times in the past, but wishing death upon anyone is the worst, most cruel, most horrible thing to do, the worst thoughts to think. Nobody deserves to die, to have their life snatched from them. You may not agree with them, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to live a life and follow childhood dreams.
Next year, I will be changed. I hope that everyone will be changed, even if just a little. I will not dismiss anyone I know as "hated", and instead write a list of positive things I notice and admire in them. If someone is shy, as the other boy was, maybe if they're in one of my classes I will choose them as a partner for a project or wave to them in the hall when we pass. Nobody deserves to be hated, and nobody deserves to die. While it is inevitable and we all must reach that finish line, each at our own pace, no one deserves such pain in passing, such suddenness and panic and fear.
Recently I decided I am not allowed to use the word "hate". Not only is it strong and tossed around too frivolously, it is one of the worst words that exists. Worse than curse words. It destroys people's images in a single breath and dismisses their chances at a connection. Nobody should have that word in their association. Next year when I walk into school, I will not laugh to my friends about how much I hate this classmate or that teacher, because you never know if one day you will wake up and go through your daily routine and at the end of the day when you're settling down to watch your favorite TV show you will suddenly hear that they died.
I don't know if there will be any blog posts after this. Hearing this is slowly impacting me and going around broadcasting my day-to-day life is hideously unfair and selfish.
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